i get the sense that i've been fortunate enough to have belonged in many places, in many different manners.
and yet, at the same time, i sometimes feel like i haven't truly, fully belonged anywhere.
i feel that there are parts of me 'on loan' in various locations... in other places, i've permanently left fragments or scraps that every so often i go back and maintain; and i always wonder if i should've brought that part with me instead of leaving it behind... or should i have stayed with that part instead of detaching it in the first place?
and yet, at the same time, i sometimes feel like i haven't truly, fully belonged anywhere.
i feel that there are parts of me 'on loan' in various locations... in other places, i've permanently left fragments or scraps that every so often i go back and maintain; and i always wonder if i should've brought that part with me instead of leaving it behind... or should i have stayed with that part instead of detaching it in the first place?
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Well this is pretty deep S. Let it all out and show it Sharon. Bring whatever part you can handle accepting that you have and who ever is near will appreciate you for how pure you are in who you are being. Wow to think of all the aspects of you I don't know yet. I am sure whoever is grounded in life and love will have to respect the many shades of your diamond face. Stay blessed.
I assure you, you're not alone in bein' alone. And, that makes you part of the human race. So, we're not alone at all!!
ah, dave... little did you know that by night i am an axe murderer! lol
anyways, in all seriousness, i love the image of the diamond face- the many facets that show themselves in various moments; almost indestructible and so valued for that strength.
thank you for being such a philosophical partner in crime on this life rond.
interesting that you say that, ren! i just finished reading a response from my brother-in-law, who said (amongst other things):
"Loneliness" is such an amazing (and probably most accurate) title for this blog post because unless we really drill down to our center, it's easy to forget that we are all extremely alone when we arrive at the deepest levels of ourselves. The question then becomes, how can we get to know that loneliness, embrace it, love it and trust it enough to guide us to the healthiest people, places and things that make us happy?"
i think that what you said directly relates to his sentiment; in fact, it seems to play the role of the 'happy ending' in that while all people must face their inner demons, even though they must combat them alone, they certainly are not alone in the experience of internal struggle!
so three cheers for that.
I remember getting this feeling that I termed "homesick" when I was younger but it never had much to do with not being at home - it was a feeling of displacement, or feeling unsettled, or of not knowing how to proceed. Like your brother-in-law said, it may have been a more internal homesicknes, a not-in-my-own-skin-or-soul-sickness. Your comments reminded me of this feeling - and I really relate to it. Part of me thinks that we are meant to be nomadic and so our shifting-ness is really good, healthy. But I do think we are products of so much shift in our families and lives today that it's really hard to achieve any grounding. I don't think you are alone in feeling lonely this way!
Hey Sharon,
I think I know what you mean by this post because I feel the same way sometimes. I think this "loneliness" is a fairly modern feeling in the sense that in past generations people didn't move so far away from family and friends. People had their hometown and family business and didn't really stray from that identity. It's just in the past few generations (since car & air travel have become affordable & widespread) that individuals have had the opportunity to see more of the world and move farther away from their home base.
I often feel like I have 2 lives - NY life and ATL life. Not that I'm a different person, but in the two cities I have different friends, family and routines. I wonder what it would be like to live in the same city as my family for once! I'm nostalgic for Atlanta a lot but it's almost nostalgia for my own fantasy of a city and a life that used to be.
The other thing that your post made me think of was how we are waiting longer and longer to "settle down" which leaves us with all these experiences - past lives, friends and partners that we have moved on from. I think that we do leave little bits of ourselves behind in all of these circumstances. We feel nostalgic for that part of our life that's over. We maintain friendships with people, but they feel different then they used to. We move on to other places and relationships but wonder what life would've been like if we had made other choices. It can be sad to think about things or people left behind. It's a lesson in the non-permanence of life (and that is lonely).
At least we can say that we've had a full life and have experienced all of these wonderful things and people (and many more to come). I try to look at it in the Buddhist "Be Here Now" perspective because the more I think about these things the more I realize that my "now" is passing me by...
xxx
Jess
... i think both your observations are definitely a sign of the times.
and it's also interesting to note that much of what you (jessi) reference about the past still exists here in italy... so while there are many who have come here to this country after having traveled the world, they arrive here to find many who have never lived away from home (literally), and continue to live and work with their families.
there is beauty in both, and there is beauty also in the clashing and colliding of these two worlds.
in many ways, yes- i am nostalgic for my past, and all those who are in it. and then i see myself where i am now, and i do simple things; like taking a walk and noticing my surroundings, down to the litter on the ground and the signs in the street and the sound of people talking... and in those moments, those thoughts i have towards the past melt down to the ground and cement and secure the path i am treading on.
i'm searching for more moments like these.
John O'Donohue, Irish poet and philosopher- who died in his sleep January 2008, at the age of 52(his best-selling book in 1997 was called Anam Cara, "Soul Friend" in Gaelic)- on whether or not we are less capable of love, friendship and commitment today than in the past:
"I don't think we're less capable at all. I think we're more unpracticed at it and therefore more desperate for it. And I think it's a matter of attention really, just attention.
That if you realize how vital to your whole spirit - and being and character and mind and health - friendship actually is, you will take time for it, you know? And the trouble is though for so many of us is that we have to be in trouble before we remember what's essential.
And sometimes it's one of the lonelinesses of humans - that you hold on desperately to things that make you miserable and that sometimes you only realize what you have when you're almost about to lose it.
So, I think that it would be great to step back a little from one's life, and see around one - who are those that hold me dear, that truly see me. And those that I need. And be able to go to them in a different way.
Because the amazing thing about humans is we have an immense capacity to reawaken in each other the profound ability to be with each other and to be intimate."
What a beautiful piling of responses Sharon...
there is also Rilke's statement that goes through my mind:
"I want to be with those that know secret things or else alone."
Being with those that truly see us, as Anon. says above, is essential.
In relation to the original post - I had these thoughts a while ago:
http://kinesisproject.blogspot.com/2007/04/unwinding.html
the question of "what we leave behind" has been in my mind for years as well.
Much love. M
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